Oscar Noms Time!

Blargh, it has been Too Hot To Blog. It’s been between 30-45C every day for a dang week now. Train tracks have been warping, fruit bats have been dropping out of the trees in the botanic gardens in their thousands, and I’ve been hot and cranky. The internet suffers as a result!

While I was attempting to live inside my fridge’s freezer compartment, I was too far away from the computer to keyboard-bash you all when the Oscar nominations were announced. Never mind, let’s get upset about them now!

Best Motion Picture of the Year

• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Frost/Nixon
• Milk
• The Reader
• Slumdog Millionaire

I really want Frost/Nixon to win this, but it won’t. Slumdog Millionaire will, and I will be forced to kill myself in despair.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role

• Richard Jenkins for The Visitor
• Frank Langella for Frost/Nixon
• Sean Penn for Milk
• Brad Pitt for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler

Hey, look at that, Richard Jenkins! That’s awesome and really deserving, I didn’t think the Academy would remember him seeing as The Visitor came out at the start of 2008. Course, he won’t win it (Mickey’s got it covered), but it’s nice nonetheless.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role

• Anne Hathaway for Rachel Getting Married
• Angelina Jolie for Changeling
• Melissa Leo for Frozen River
• Meryl Streep for Doubt
• Kate Winslet for The Reader

I figure either Meryl or Kate has it easily covered (and oh I hope Kate gets it, the woman’s overdue for an Oscar by about 10 years).

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role

• Josh Brolin for Milk
• Robert Downey Jr. for Tropic Thunder
• Philip Seymour Hoffman for Doubt
• Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight
• Michael Shannon for Revolutionary Road

It’s Heath’s, no question, and probably a good thing seeing as apart from Hoffman I’m kind of going “What?” at the other noms (Robert Downey Jr. for Tropic Thunder? Really? I mean, I love the man, but really?!).

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

• Amy Adams for Doubt
• Penelope Cruz for Vicky Cristina Barcelona
• Viola Davis for Doubt
• Taraji P. Henson for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Marisa Tomei for The Wrestler

I am ridiculously biased here because I WANT PENELOPE CRUZ TO WIN THIS SO BAD! She strolled into that movie halfway through and completely dominated the rest of the proceedings, resulting in me actually somewhat enjoying a Woody Allen film (a miracle in and of itself). And she was robbed when she lost the Best Actress Oscar a few years back for Volver, so come on Academy, be awesome. 

Best Achievement in Directing

• Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire
• Stephen Daldry for The Reader
• David Fincher for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Ron Howard for Frost/Nixon
• Gus Van Sant for Milk

Oh Gus, I dearly want you to win, because your work is marvellous and gorgeous. Unfortunately, Danny Boyle is most probably going to make off with it and I will be forced to kill myself AGAIN (I am clear on the difficulties that this situation presents).

Aaaaand I can’t be bothered going through the other categories that nobody cares about.

Flailing At Fail

See, I was on a complete America-high due to the Obamarama inaugeration, all pumped with the new president’s words of a new America, able to hold it’s head high once more on the world stage. I was all ready to love you, America.

And then you do this to me.

This is currently the number one film at the US Box Office: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1114740/

WHY AMERICA, WHHHHYYYYYYYYY?! It’s beaten Gran Torino, for fuck’s sake! And because it’s gone number one in the US, you can bet it’ll be rolled out world-wide. WHAT DID WE DO TO YOU, AMERICA, THAT YOU SUFFER US KEVIN JAMES?

Also on a tangent, while noodling around at IMDB I found this trivia niblet on the Gangs of New York page: 

19th century New York was recreated on the lot of Cinecitta studios in Rome. When George Lucas visited the massive set, he reportedly turned to Martin Scorsese and said that sets like that can be done with computers now.

Oh gee George, and didn’t you notice that all your movies made nearly entirely with computers have sucked giant amounts of arse? This ever so neatly encapsulates why George Lucas is completely made of, nay, is the definition of fail. Marty should have responded with a neat bitch-slap.

Memes Are Like ‘Flu

That TV meme that’s been going around.

1. Name a TV series in which you have seen every episode at least twice. Doctor Who (re-vamped series, not classic, though I’ll get to all those one day!), Mighty Boosh, Black Books, Harvey Birdman.

2. Name a show you can’t miss. Doctor Who! On occasion when I have missed an episode, it causes much wailing and teeth-gnashing and pining for David Tennant.

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to watch a show. Kinda out-ed myself there in the last question. *ahem* Mr Tennant is delightful to watch in anything.

4. Name an actor who would make you less likely to watch a show. I can’t watch Season 1 of Torchwood because of Burn Gorman (well, mostly because of him, also because Season 1 is titanically stupid). Thankfully his character had the good sense to cark it in Season 2.

5. Name a show you can, and do, quote from. Oh lord, so many. The most common is The Simpsons (probably the most common for everyone), though I do love a good “That’s what she said” from The Office, and the absolute best line I love any opportunity to repeat comes courtesy of 30 Rock: “Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon, have some self-respect! Don’t you know you can fly?”

6. Name a show you like that no one else enjoys. I don’t know if it’s the fact that no one enjoys it, more the fact no one I know has heard of it, but I adore Absolute Power. Cleverest show I’ve come across in years.

7. Name a TV show which you’ve been known to sing the theme song. Even though it has been years since I devoured it in my childhood, I can still frequently be found singing the theme to Sailor Moon. Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight… I also often hum the themes to The Office and How I Met Your Mother, even though I don’t really watch the latter, because they are both such sweet-sounding  tunes.

8. Name a show you would reccommend everyone to watch. Blackadder, because I truly believe there is not a person who could not find it funny.

9. Name a TV series you own. Complete series? Mighty Boosh, Black Books, Harvey Birdman, Vicar of Dibley, Absolute Power, new Doctor Who.

10. Name an actor who has launched his/her entertainment career in another medium, but has surprised you with his/her acting chops in television. Billie Piper, hands down. Lack-lustre pop star, fantastic actress.

11. What is your favourite episode of your favourite series? I have a lot of favourite series, so hold tight: Doctor Who – “Doomsday” (and that’s with fierce competition from “School Reunion”, “The Family of Blood”, and the trio of “Utopia”/”The Sound of Drums”/”Last of the Time Lords”); Mighty Boosh – “Nanageddon”; The Office – “The Injury” (“Dwight! You forgot your bumper!”); Harvey Birdman – “Blackwatch Plaid”; Skins – season 1 Finale; Blackadder – “Dish and Dishonesty” or ”General Hospital”; 30 Rock – “Tracy Does Conan”; Red Dwarf – “Thanks For the Memory”; Black Books – “The Grapes of Wrath”; The Venture Bros. – “Return to Spider-Skull Island”.

12. Name a show you keep meaning to watch, but you just haven’t gotten around to yet. Green Wing.

13. Ever quit watching a show because it was so bad? Both Grey’s Anatomy and The OC after their first seasons. Lost after the first episode (can’t believe so many people got sucked into that rubbish).

14. Name a show that’s made you cry multiple times. Doctor Who.

15. What do you eat while you watch TV? I am a chronic snack-gobbler while watching TV, and will pretty much munch on anything, accompanied by copious cups of tea.

16. How often do you watch TV? Umm, probably at least two-three hours a day. More on my days off.

17. What’s the last TV show you watched? The Colbert Report.

18. What’s your favourite/preferred genre of TV? Comedy.

19. What was the first TV show you were obsessed with? Red Dwarf.

20. What TV show do you wish you had never watched? Apart from the great Lost “I want the past hour of my life back, you manipulative bastards!” debacle, I can’t really name a show I really regret watching entirely. There’s shows I wish I’d stopped watching at a certain point, before everything turned to suck and ended up slightly tainting the earlier genius (oh Red Dwarf, why did I ever watch past “Gunmen of the Apocalypse”, why?).

21. What’s the weirdest show you enjoyed? Ha, most of the stuff I enjoy could probably be considered weird. Maybe Tom Goes To The Mayor, people either love it or can’t stand it.

22. What TV show scared you the most? “Blink” from the third season of Doctor Who is pretty damn terrifying, even after repeated viewings. 

23. What’s the funniest TV show you’ve ever watched? Lord, that’s pretty hard, considering all the shows I love are either straight-out comedies or have strong comedic elements. Quick, narrow it down! Probably the funniest episode of any show I’ve ever seen is “Speed 3″ from Father Ted: Father Dougal becomes Craggy Island’s new milkman, yet the previous milkman (who had used the milkround to become, ahem, closer to the island’s housewives and was consequentially sacked when Ted made this known to the dairy board) has placed a bomb on the milk float. How the priests respond to it is surreal and fecking inspired:

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=yWuSZVgrF98&feature=related

The funniest moment in a show, where I am reduced to fits of giggles at even the thought of it, is the ‘Sory’ cake scene from the second season of Skins. In a show full of gorgeous pockets of hilarious delight, it takes the, er, cake. And I can’t find it on the Youtube, so you’ll just have to buy yourself the boxset to see the brilliance. Poor you!

Weather Reports

The heat has broken, huzzah! My cold weather lovin’ heart has mostly been blessed this summer; instead of being faced with the usual week-long stretches of 40C-degree heat sweltering horror, so far this Melbourne summer has been lovely and mild. I’ve been able to enjoy the sunshine without the attendant terrors of immediate sunburn and feeling convinced that hell has risen and taken up residence outside my house.

Of course, this also meant I was completely unprepared when the mercury hit 37C yesterday. As soon as the temp started climbing in the early morning, I was running around frantically closing windows and blinds, setting up fans in a centralised spot in the house and then refusing to move. Any folk foolishly opening doors and allowing any puffs of devilish heat caused me to bellow like I was possessed. “OHDEARLORDSHUTTHATDAMNDOOR,THE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEAATTT IS GETTING IN!” And there is Hayley lying on the floor in a circle of fans, like a lizard in crotchety torpor. Thank goodness for today’s cool change, so that my family need no longer be faced with my reptilian sensibilities.

I’m going to spend the next few days fiddling around with the blog, mainly updating the blogroll – adding blogs I’ve been reading for ages but have been too lazy to add, getting rid of defunct blogs, reorganising categories and that sort of shiz. I’m always on the lookout for more internety things to read, so feel free to suggest  blogs or especially webcomics you’d think I’d like.

And noodling around these pages I noticed on the Lifelift that I have not spotted a new species of bird in over a year. I AM THE WORST BIRDWATCHER EVER! Feel free to point and laugh. This must be rectified and soon *puts on grim and determined birder face*.

Not Impressed, Not Impressed At All

So everyone I know has been encouraging me to go see Slumdog Millionaire lately.  I’d been a little blase about the whole thing – saw the trailer, went ‘meh’, got over-excited by other films instead, and kind of forgot about it. Until everyone I knew saw it and extoled its wonderfulness at me, aghast that I had not yet seen it. And every review and critic I stumbled across in print and online trumpeted loudly that it was the best film of 2008, make no mistake.

I found myself with a free day today and thought “Yes, today is the day I will see Slumdog Millionaire.” I sat in the theatre, choc-top in hand, awaiting a transcedental experience, a cinematic awaking. I was positive, I was expectant.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a shallow, soulless piece of cinema in all my life. 

Where the hell do I even start with my disappointment and rage? Okay, right here – where is the film’s moral standpoint? Easy answer: IT DOESN’T HAVE ONE. Kiddies, it’s totally okay to spend your entire life being a petty criminal and taking advantage of everyone you come across, because guess what? You’ll never be required to face up to your actions or be punished for them, in fact, you’ll be rewarded for being a completely emotionally and ethically stunted human being with arseloads of cash and a pretty girl, because that’s all anyone should ever aspire towards.

I’ll get back to the moral bankruptcy in a minute in order to interject myself with this equally bitter diatribe about the character of Latika. In a film with absolutely no character development it’s probably foolishly nitpicky to be stuck on her particularly, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand in film (or anything really) is the depiction of a woman being an object rather than a real person. Because what did any of us learn about Latika apart from the fact Jamal believed her to be the most beautiful woman in the world? Did we ever get to hear from her mouth any of her own desires, her own feelings and thoughts? Pfft, why would we need to know anything about her? Jamal thinks she’s pretty, that’s all the audience needs in order to accept her as the film’s symbol of goodness and purity. NO, BAD FILM, BAD. SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE? YOU MADE YOUR TOKEN WOMAN A SEXUAL CIPHER. BAD, NAUGHTY, BACK TO THE FRENCH NEW WAVE WITH YOU. Grrhummphh.

AND ANOTHER THING! Since when has knowledge as opposed to ignorance been a dirty word? Because what really left me gobsmacked about this film is that Jamal doesn’t know the answers to the TV quiz as a result of his pulling up his bootstraps and actually learning about the world. His life is not a struggle to improve himself, neither with education or simply, I dunno, learning from his mistakes and taking moral lessons from them. Oh no, the Jamal at the end of the film is as woefully ignorant as his child-self was at the beginning, showing (as he has done for the entire damn film!) no interest in anything that does not directly concern him. Jamal is an absorber, swallowing wholesale anything that touches him, but nothing more. He doesn’t need to understand the things he knows, just to parrot them out at the appropriate moment. He doesn’t answer all those questions correctly because he is clever (because heaven forbid anyone should ever reward cleverness), but because he is inconceivably lucky, destined, as the film itself saccharinely claims. Well, if being destined means that the riches I require in order to happily compete with Western consumerist desires will plop into my lap despite me being a certifiable moron, sign me up! (oh god, I think I just encapsulated the entire problem with market-driven capitalism in that last sentence. Um, yay?) 

See, that’s the thing that I found really despairing about Slumdog Millionaire.  In the end, it was all about the money. Sure, they made it seem like it was about the girl (with every single manipulative cinematic trick they could lay their hands on – I’ve never experienced a film where I was so aware that I was being deliberately emotionally played against my will) – but he wouldn’t have gotten her without the money. He didn’t need to be smart, he didn’t need to learn any life lessons, he didn’t need to be a well-rounded damn human being that actually improved himself throughout the film (a hundred years of cinematic narrative conventions do a double-take and say “…What?”). He just needed the money. Because money is the be all and end all.

What a charming, heart-warming tale. Oh no, sorry, that came out wrong. What a culturally damaging and morally offensive piece of utter arse. Lordy, I haven’t been this angry about a movie since Ocean’s 12. And all it had to do to send me into a rage was have a completely lame and non-threatening acrobatic villian. It wasn’t being spouted as a cinematic masterpiece. It wasn’t up for actual awards. What the hell is wrong with everyone?

UPDATE: Aaaand the the film has just picked up an arseload of Golden Globes, including Best Picture. Hold me now, the world has gone cold and dark.

“I’m saying that when the President does it, that means it’s not illegal!” “…I’m sorry?”

New Years Day found me up bright and early and wandering into the nearest cinema (yes, I am a member of that vile breed that sleeps through New Year’s Eve and spends the next day perky and productive whilst everyone else crawls out of the gutter with hangovers the size of a Boeing). I’d been ridiculously keen on seeing Frost/Nixon since it was released on Boxing Day, and it turned out to be a riveting way of starting off 2009.

It may have just been the fact that I am a massive history nerd, and anything focusing on American presidents in particular has the peculiar power of immediately putting me in a state of uncontrollable squee, but I really enjoyed this film. And strangely enough it wasn’t the Nixon factor that ultimately did it for me (although I cannot state enough that Frank Langella was PHENOMENAL in the role of Nixon. One got a great sense of the contradictions of Nixon the man, yet also the gravitas engendered by his role as President – you can easily understand why Sam Rockwell’s character, despite loathing the man, was rendered practically speechless once in his actual presence). It was actually Michael Sheen’s performance as David Frost that really pulled me in. First coming off as a shallow collection of glib smiles, shiny teeth and zero eye contact, making you despair and groan to oneself, “What the hell does this guy think he’s doing? He’s going to get torn to shreds.” Then there’s the little glimpses of a very shrewd mind that clearly knows exactly how television works and the power it can wield, you start squirming in your seat willing him to be just that little more aware so he can realise exactly what’s about to come. And of course he doesn’t until that point in the very first interview where Nixon utterly dominates him, and you see the realisation, the utter shock and embarassment of it all slowly spreading across Sheen’s face, it’s just so damn good. And Hayley had an awesome-character-actor spasm and fell onto the popcorn-strewn floor, limbs twitching.

So of course I am now A Fan of Michael Sheen and have been watching The Queen on repeat like a madwoman, and when on an IMDB jaunt discovered that he’s going to be the Cheshire Cat in Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, which put me in an over-excited frenzy, causing my sisters to imprison me in my room until I’d calmed down enough to speak in coherent sentences again.

Also, in AN ASIDE, apparantly this dude is going to be the new Doctor Who:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7808697.stm

Thoughts? I haven’t actually seen him in anything, so can’t comment on his acting chops. And he’s only three years older than me, which is…weird. But his hair is huge and alarming, which I greatly approve of. And they will probably wardrobe him into some amazing threads. I demand that he swans around with a suitably similarly emo-looking male companion looking like extras from a My Chemical Romance filmclip (MALE COMPANION, CAN WE HAZ PLZ STEPHEN MOFFAT?).

Best of 2008: Music Edition

I felt like an absolute old woman this year in terms of music. Standing out on my metaphorical lawn, shaking my fist and shouting “You young whippersnappers call that limp electro-pop crap MUSIC? By golly, I should tan your hides for your impudence and/or gullibility…”

It was not a good year for music. Trying to gather together a list of my top ten albums proved a little fruitless – there were some good albums, but very few great albums, and it was frankly a disappointing year for some bands that ordinarily I can rarely find fault with.

So instead of presenting a straight forward top albums list, I’m going to mix it up a little into more of an awards night ceremony. So dust off your frocks and sparklies, make room in your handbags to make off with the free liquor, it’s the 2008 Hayley Music Awards! All winners receive half a biro.

(Some awards are clearly self-explanatory; others I will provide some half-arsed attempt at reasoning.)

The Most Enthusiastic Of Encouragement Award

Guy Blackman – Adult Baby

Debut albums are tricky beasties. Either they are instant successes, immediately clutched unto bosoms and come to haunt the musicians who created them by constantly reappearing throughout their career, accompanied by the deathly phrase “Yeah, but it’s not as good as their first album”; or, they are quiet affairs, where the listener can divine pockets of promise, hints that indicate a potential future brilliance, obscured either by lack of production funds or simple inexperience. Adult Baby is of the latter, a lovely little package of potential promise, working as a nice introduction to Blackman’s work, yet it isn’t perfect, and leaves you itching for someone to throw scads of money at him in order to fully achieve the musical vision obviously trying to break out. Hopefully, album number two should be a doozy. Be expectant.   

The I’ll Forgive This Lacklustre Effort On the Strength Of Previous Work, But Don’t Do It Again Award

Augie March – Watch Me Disappear

I have always dreaded the thought that one day Augie March might possibly put out an album that I could not adore. They are the band that I have loved the longest, when, as a fourteen year old who had just discovered the existence of Triple J, I heard “Asleep in Perfection” and had my mind and heart musically blown for the first time, an experience that has never been repeated to the same earth-shattering extent. The journey that I have travelled with Augie March since that day is my most treasured – each album, each song, each note and word infinately precious and containing worlds that I have explored countless times. Each Augie March album – Sunset Studies, Strange Bird, Moo You Bloody Choir – is an album any other band would kill thousands for in order to call it their own creation. That one band produced all three isn’t just phenomenal, it borders on the obscene. That one band should be so ethereally talented, it should cause other musicians to hang up their instruments in pitiful defeat.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that there had to be a glitch sooner or later. It’s not that Watch Me Disappear is a bad album, per se; indeed, if any other band had produced it, it would be singled out as the peak of their career. It’s just as a specifically Augie March album, it fails to live up to their previous dizzyingly high precedents. 

My first reaction in listening to the album was “Have they released the demos by mistake?” The songs have an incompleteness to them, full of empty spaces that feel as if they are waiting to be filled. Songs segue in and out of each other without much change – you’ll be listening to one then, lose your focus, then realise that three other songs have gone past without you noticing.

That’s not to say that all the songs are completely forgettable. Lead single “Pennywhistle” is a cheery little number with a darkly lyrical soul, an ode to rapidly dimishing youth and the endless, tireless pursuit of the Black Dog. “Becoming Bryn” continues the horror film themes of Moo’s “Thin Captain Crackers” (“If you see me rising up through the floor with unblinking eyes, run, run, run, run, run!”). And final song “The Devil In Me”, well, it’s up there with the best of Augie March. Just a shame that so much of the album doesn’t rise up to the same standard.

For previous services in the name of Australian music and the complete betterment of my soul, Augie March are given a creative pardon for Watch Me Disappear. But don’t do it again.

The I Love You Guys, But Really, What The HELL Were You Thinking? Award

Tilly & the Wall – O

See, it started off all lovely and gorgeous. Opening track Tall Tall Grass is simultaneously vintage Tilly and a sinuous tease, hinting at a lyrical deepness, a touch of rough, distorted guitar towards the end unobtrusive, fitting. It is gentle, very slightly wistful, sad. It holds such promise. It lures you onwards.

ONWARDS INTO DOOM!

Well, doom’s probably far too strong a word. But it’s disappointing none the less. Pot Kettle Black blows my mind in all manner of wrong ways because I have no idea what it is trying to say and how on earth this band came to write it. The majority of the album seems to be the band trying not to be Tilly & the Wall, trying to skew into something musically harder that doesn’t quite work. Most of the album ends up kind of messy and confused-sounding, and missing what gives Tilly it’s soul – those gorgeous twining harmonies that soar about and above everything else, that cheeky irreverence, the delightful dancy poppiness, and the aching sincerity. Tall Tall Grass has it, Dust Me Off  has it in glorious spades, but it is sorely lacking in the rest, obscured by noise and ill-advised experimentation. I really hate having to give such a poor surmation of the album, particularly when I love the band like crazy – they are truly one of the most original and joyously inspiring outfits running around at the moment, and maybe the casual or first-time listener wouldn’t be as scathing as I have been. I may just have expected too much. 

The I Wish This Album Had Been Released In 2008 So’s I Could Award It Best Album, ’Cos It’s All I’ve Been Listening To All Year Award

The New Pornographers – Challengers

The Best New Scenesters Who Will Hopefully Last Because Boy Howdy Are They A Lot Of Fun Award

Vampire Weekend – Vampire Weekend

The I Didn’t Realise I Needed A Neo Doo-Wop ’50s Band In My Life, Thank You For Fulfilling A Desire I Didn’t Know I Had Award

Little Red – Listen to Little Red

The You Guys Just Keep Getting Better And Better Award

Mates of State – Re-Arrange Us

I loved MoS’s previous album Bring It Back with a fierce burning love – “Like U Crazy” is still one of my most beloved songs ever – and I was anxious when Re-Arrange Us appeared, leading to a feverent pleading with the music gods – “please let this be completely awesome”. I had no need to be worried. From the gorgeous opener “Get Better” I was sold. Utterly delightful (and “Now” is totally my favourite song to sing in the car; I must look a fright to other drivers happily chanting “nownownownownownow” at the top of my lungs).

The Say Goodbye To The Whining Fangirls/boys And Welcome In The Golden Era Of Your Career Award

Conor Oberst – Conor Oberst

Here’s an important announcement from a die-hard Bright Eyes fan, ie me. I hate die-hard Bright Eyes fans. Because not only do they taint my enjoyment of the most emo-tastic band in history with their fevered whinings, their insistence on utterly bagging anything Conor Oberst produces out of Bright Eyes makes me want to scream and break things. Because this album shits on any album he ever did under the Bright Eyes name. Especially Fevers & Mirrors (god, how I hate Fevers & Mirrors thanks to the crazy fans).

This solo effort is the direct descendant of the past two Bright Eyes albums, I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning and Cassadaga, and with Conor Oberst you kind of get a fuller understanding of where those two albums were trying to go. This is Conor at his musical height, unfettered by baggage and unfeasibly high expectation. You get the impression that he’s writing from a purer place, a place that’s not concerned with listener reception or arm chair critics, and certainly not the crazies who still expect a 28 year old to be the teenage saviour of their own adolescence. He’s writing for himself now. And if writing for himself and under his own name results in songs like ”Lenders In The Temple”, “I Don’t Wanna Die (In The Hospital)” and the utterly sublime “Cape Canaveral” (the best song Conor has ever written, hands down), if he chooses never to write under the name of Bright Eyes again, I will greet it as a book closed for all the right reasons. 

The Sweetest, Most Joyous Of Sounds, Oh Lordy I Wish This Band Put Out A New Album Every Month Award

The Lucksmiths – First Frost

No matter how long you have to wait, a Lucksmiths album always delivers. Utter perfection, especially “Lament of the Chiming Wedgebill”.

The I Want To Marry Jack White Award

The Raconteurs – Consolers of the Lonely

I mean really, who doesn’t want to marry Jack White? The man’s a sexy musical genius.

and finally

The Best Album Of The Year Award

Islands – Arm’s Way

I only came into possession of this album because I am cheap. I was faffing around in my local record store, and whatever album I had intended to purchase wasn’t in stock. Reluctant to leave without anything (which is my bane in both record and book stores), I started to gravitate towards discs with discount stickers on them. Drawn towards the gorgeous album art, and prompted further by the thought “Wasn’t one of the fellas in this in The Unicorns as well?”, I impulse purchased.

I now know that the fact this album was discounted was a grave crime, and that I possibly made off with the greatest bargain of my life. Because it has eaten into my soul; a little burrowing creature squirming itself into my deepest, darkest mind-places waiting to explode at key moments with exhilerating, blissful bursts of absolute feeling and magic. Such perfect moments: The first scornful drawl of “Kids don’t know shit…” in the song of the same name. The triumphant scream in Life in Jail - “Besides, there’s nothing to live for! unless you live a little more like you’re going to die….oohhhhhhhhhh!” The coda to I Feel Evil Creeping In, which I, in an increasingly paranoid manner, believe refers directly to me – “When I behave, nobody cares. When I behave badly nobody dare cross me.”

I cannot explain with mere human words how much awesome this album contains. Do whatever you need in order to get your hands on it.

In my day we used to keep seahorses and land whales as pets, they call them cows now

I spent most of today trawling the eastern suburbs searching for a bottle of Pimms. Is Pimms traditionally a Christmas drink, leading to a seasonal shortage? I just have a lot of cucumbers and lemons I wanted to use up in a fun way.

I went to see the Bedroom Philosopher again last night, who continues to be a delight. Quite criminal that he isn’t some kind of national comedy/musical icon. Shame, Australia, shame. Brace yourselves come April where I will be attempting to web-spruik his comedy festival show to the heavens. You’ve got to love a man who supplies mini cereal boxes for signing (I chose coco pops. Hello Christmas breakfast!).

Oh, and I have some vague memory of promising to link to the fantastic Wow Wow’s Song filmclip when it popped up on Youtube, so here you go:

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=RepATDh8kH4

You know you is also delightful? Scott Edgar, who provided the Philosopher’s support last night. I’ve been listening to the Scott Edgar and the Universe album all day as a result, and keep pondering which artist’s work I’d like to be trapped in, a la “Trapped in a Constable” – I think maybe a Botticelli. Or a Caravaggio.

Right, I’m off to drink a jug of Pimms while watching A Colbert Christmas and all the Doctor Who Christmas specials (except for the naff one with Kylie). Happy Festivus!

Trailer Talk: Summer Redux

I have in my possession, through the machinations of a brewery-working friend, two boxes of Salinger champagne. Heck yes Christmas this year is going to be great, because I’m going to be spending it in a bubbly drunken stupor.

Right, movies. The summer film deluge is upon us! I have spent the past week ripping tickets for over stimulated children going to see High School Musical 3, and teenage girls who should know better swooning over Twilight (oh god, Twilight, don’t even start me on the pain. “THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER!!!”). The only thing getting me through is watching copious amounts of trailers. Come, watch me judge movies based on two minutes snippets of the best (or worst) bits!

Valkyrie

Okay, so don’t all poop yourselves with shock…but this actually looks kind of awesome.

“WHAT?” gasp the internet masses. “You dare to tentatively suggest that a Tom Cruise vehicle may actually not be an overblown turd of self-indulgence? Fie on you, we say fie!”

Well first, I have a ridiculous weakness for WW2 movies (not as great as my weakness for WW1 movies, but when the hell do we ever see any of those? Never, goddammit), particularly from the German side of things (case in point, Das Boot and Downfall, the two best WW2 movies ever). And although this one isn’t a German production and is instead a bunch of Americans and Brits running around pretending to be Germans, it still seems to have that “from the inside” perspective that I find fascinating.

Second, even though anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of history can obviously figure out immediately that von Stauffenberg didn’t succeed with his assassination attempt on Hitler, the trailer is so tightly wound with tension that one part of you is going “holy shit, these guys are actually going to do it!”, while the other part is sighing in frustration and bellowing, “you idiot, they’re all gonna DIE!”

Also, the film is like a giant dramatic party for a heap of awesome British actors. Oh, hello Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy and Tom Wilkinson. Terence Stamp, I don’t even know if you’re a Brit or not, who the heck cares, come on in. And here comes Eddie Izzard with the dips. Awesome.

And Tom? He actually seems to be acting, and not just being Tom Cruise In A Movie. And, you know, there’s the eye-patch thing which comes off as rather dashing and makes me forget he’s a bit of a jerk.

The Day The Earth Stood Still

DEAR GOD HOLLYWOOD, NO. WHY? WHY? THE ORIGINAL WAS PERFECT. WHY DID ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND THINK THAT THERE NEEDED TO BE A REMAKE? STARRING KEANU FUCKING REEVES, FOR CRYING OUT GODDAMN LOUD! FUCK YOU, HOLLYWOOD. QUIT MINING YOUR PAST FOR CHEAP HITS OF RETRO NOSTALGIA AND THEREBY FORCING ME TO WRITE ENTIRE REVIEWS IN CAPSLOCK. CHRIST!  

Bedtime Stories

I don’t really have much to say about this one (standard Disney/Adam Sandlar feel-good family vehicle) apart from: what the hell is Russell Brand doing in this? Isn’t he more well known for being flithy dirty and having sex with anything that moves rather than popping up in what looks like some kind of Night at the Museum knockoff? Hang on: Russell, are you attempting to mimic Steve Coogan’s career? Son, that is SUICIDE. Turn tail and head back to Blighty now and don’t darken America’s shores again if you actually want your career to continue with some dignity. Besides, Coogan’s earnt his slumming seeing as he’s a genius and pretty much created Britain’s current comedy climate (those who think that Ricky Gervais is responsible: don’t even start with me); you, however, were outfunnied by Paul Rudd in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (“You sound like yor from Lon-den!”). Possibly best to cut your losses now.

Bride Wars

See, I’d clearly be naive in hoping that a movie with the premise of two best friends accidentally booking their weddings on the same day and engaging in a competitive “mine’s going to be better than yours, bitch” battle royale, would conclude with the message that weddings are in fact a waste of time  and money; they are a cultural mess of archaic traditions that have historically contributed to enslaving women and as an event wrongly dominates their lives and ultimate sense of self-worth. That maybe female friendship is more important than a day where one proves to the world that, oh gosh, a man will actually condescend to shackle himself to me in a public forum! I’m finally validating my entire existence as a woman! What’s the bet the film’s moral will actually be something more along the lines of “take down any moll who dares to jeopordise the day in which you express the height of your womanhood, cos this is the peak of your life right here”.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Okay, so this isn’t even a rection to the trailer (which made me want to cry with joy every time I saw it) as, through a happy accident at work on Wednesday, I ended up actually SEEING this film in pretty much its entirity. And it is AMAZING! I’ll be sure to do a proper review once it gets released properly; don’t want to end up spoiling anyone beforehand.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Holy crap, watching this simultaneously makes me dance for joy and annoys me that I’m not watching the film right now and instead have to wait till damn July <insert now standard ‘curse you Warner Bros., may beets grow out of the scattered remains of your executives’ entrails’ speech>. It looks so delightfully Slytherin-y. All dread portents and green mists and evil child dark lords played by a tiny Fiennes.  Though there were not enough flashes of Draco, dammit (though the bathroom scene is going to ripe my ambiguous-villian-lovin’ heart out, oh lordy). Also, given that the movies have no choice but to get darker I figure this isn’t going to happen, but give DanRad more chances to be funny, cos the kid is freaking hilarious. “Wait, do you even know who she is?” PERFECT delivery. Someone needs to put him in some of those quirky Brit comedies pronto.

Eeeeeeee! Seriously, I’m probably going to love this one more than any of the others. Be July NOW.

It’s Cruel, Really

Because my mother and I are, in essence, horrible people, one of our favourite things to do is read the births notices in the newspaper and make fun of the ridiculous names people give their children*. It mostly provokes laughter, but also all too often brings upon a raging sense of ‘WTF?’ and a burning conviction that not only should stupid people not be allowed to name their children, they shouldn’t be allowed to breed.  

With that in mind, it really shouldn’t be any surprise that I love this site with absolute passionate burning:

http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html

Behold, the worst names that cracked-out parents have chosen to curse their spawn with, all in one spot complete with snarky, hilarious and sometimes just utterly bewildered and/or outraged commentary.

*We also occasionally do this with the deaths notices as well, which upgrades us from plain horrible people to deeply horrible people who clearly lack any sense of human compassion.