It seems, from looking through past incarnations of this segment, that I’ve waivered between calling it Trailer Talk and Trailer Trash. Inconsistency be thy name, Hayley! Well, this one can definitely be labeled Trash, seeing as the vast rash of films coming out in the next few months are generally making me want to lower my head onto the nearest flat surface and cry for the state of the film industry (with a few exception, o’ course).
You know the drill: I watch trailers, then tell you why the movie’s going to be awful. Here we go!
Cop Out
That’s it, people, Kevin Smith’s career is officially dead. Or at least completely bankrupt of any sense of vision, integrity and originality. Go on, watch that trailer and then WEEP.
Iron Man 2
Unlike 99% of the world’s movie-going population, I really wasn’t that keen on the first Iron Man. I don’t know what it was, but I was seriously bored out of my tiny head watching that film (I also had a traitorous voice in my head that kept shouting “Who do you think you are, Tony Stark, BRUCE WAYNE?”). And frankly, the direction was plodding at best. But hello, what do we have in the second film?… Oh, Mickey. You wonderous man, you. I heart you and would watch you in anything, I will even brave Scarlett Johanson and Jon Favreau’s by-the-books- direction to see you be awesome and explode cars.
Inception
At least with a Christopher Nolan film you know that the trailer is never going to give anything away. Though I must admit that it’s not the trailer, which is frankly just the same old “Look! Christopher Nolan’s doing some crazy shit again!” schtick, but the cast list that’s making me want to go see it (Leo! Marion Cotillard! Ken Watanabe! Cillian Murphy! Joseph Gordon-Levitt! Ellen Page! And of course Michael Caine. Look at that, get excited!).
Brothers
And we go from one trailer that tells you nothing to another that tells you too damn bloody much. Really, is there any impetus for me to see this film now? I know what’s going to happen, there’s no spaces left to fill in!
Youth In Revolt
Whenever anyone has been unfortunate enough to get me onto the topic of Michael Cera, these poor souls have been subject to my “I think he’s great, but he’s got to get into some more diverse roles now before he stops being cute and kills his career” rant. And in Youth In Revolt, well, we get halfway there. He’s still wandering around being naive, adorable and dorky *yawn*, but then there’s the evil doppleganger! God, I hope he pulls it off.
When In Rome
AAARRRGGGHHHH! AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH! I WANT TO DIE! I…I can’t even put into words how goddamn awful this movie looks. The trailer itself makes it look like a mess, it seems almost morbidly unfunny, and can I officially state for the record that perky narration ala Sex and the City is my least favourite movie device EVER. And what are people like Lee Pace and Angelica Huston doing in this? Oh GOD!
Bronson
So this is Tom Hardy. Wow. WOW. Colour me impressed. Even if this does kind of come across as the Brits having a go at their own version of Chopper, it looks pretty damn awesome nonetheless. Australian release now, please!
A Single Man
This is finally released in Australia tomorrow, and guess who’s excited? I AM SO DAMN EXCITED. And THIS is absolutely how one should make a trailer that tells one nothing about the film, yet gets you to the point of punching old ladies out of the way in order to go see it. Please now go and make twenty billion more movies, Tom Ford, thank you.
